Have you found out at a late stage in your life that you are
an adopted child? Even though most adoption agencies encourage parents seeking
to adopt kids to be open about their past, some parents prefer to raise their
children as their own, without revealing their birth parents to them. Such a
parent may take this measure to protect their child from pain surrounding the
circumstances, but end up causing negative effects when they find out
later
in life.
Statistics state that 2% of the American population is
adopted. Late discovery adoptees have a hard time coping with the news since
they feel betrayed and disoriented. Whatever the reason was not to inform a
child earlier in life about their roots, it is better to reveal this secret
earlier than later. Today, we will look at the issues that such children
undergo and how they can cope with mixed feelings
What are the common
issues surrounding adoption?
Feeling of rejection
Most adopted kids who lack attention from their parents may
feel rejected by their birth parents. A child who finds out that their birth
parents abandoned them, may grow up with low self-esteem with the mentality
that they were neglected right from birth. No matter how much love one may be
receiving from the adoptive family, the mindset of lacking something is
possible. This reason makes most adoptive parents prefer not to reveal the
secret of adoption to a child.
Identity crisis
Lacking information about one’s genetic background brings
confusion to a child who finds out at a late stage. You may start questioning
your identity and feel the urge to look for your birth parents. Disorientation
about your childhood brings confusion as some things remain unclear. This makes
adoptees who lack support turn to harmful substances such as
drug
abuse to help deal with an identity crisis.
Disloyalty
One may be torn between finding their birth parents and staying
loyal to their adoptive parents. Feelings of guilt may affect the current
relationship with the adoptive family due to not showing enough gratitude to
them for raising you.
Grief
Finding out that your birth parents may have passed on
without your knowledge causes pain. One may feel regrets and
self-
blame for things beyond their control. You should find ways to cope with
this pain so that you can move on.
Help for adopted
child
Express your feelings
to your family
Openly communicating with your family about all the
confusing emotions that come with the news will help you heal fast. Such news
has a significant impact on a person's life and sharing your feelings will
bring peace to you and your adoptive parents.
Listen to their side
before making conclusions
Enquire the reason
they hid such information from you open-mindedly. It may take you time to
forgive them for concealing your identity from you, but don't shut them down
without listening to their reasons. Avoid being selfish and only thinking about
your feelings. Try to understand their perspective before jumping to conclusions.
Find out more
information about adoptees
For you to come to terms with the delicate phase, seek
information from resourceful books that help you deal with your emotions. These
publications and blogs will you help you realize that you are not alone and
that many people have learned to deal with a similar situation.
Avoid unhealthy habits
to deal with your emotions
It is not easy to deal with mixed emotions at the same time.
You may be isolating yourself in your room not able to face your adoptive
parents due to the shock that comes with the news. People indulge in alcohol
and drug abuse as they try to find their identity, deal with grief and feelings
of betrayal. Find help from
drug
treatment centers near Maine to break tolerance as you talk to a therapist.
Join a support group
for adoptees
Both online and physical support groups are there to help
you interact with other adoptees. Choose one that has people close to your age
since you may be going through the same situations with an adoptive family.
From here, you can learn the appropriate steps to take next in your life
without feeling pressured to look for your birth parents.
Don't forget the bonds
you have formed with your adoptive family
Instead of focusing on the betrayal, think of the good times
you have shared with your adoptive parents and siblings. Most parents who adopt
children raise and treat them as their own. Teach yourself to show gratitude
for the conducive environment at home even when your birth parents may not have
been there for you. This will help you forgive so that you can move forward.
Take time to grief
An ambiguous loss is rarely understood by people who may not
be in your shoes. You may not know your parents but still, experience grief. It
is normal to cry over them even if they passed on at an early age. Visit their
resting place in this case and come up with a memorial for them. Lighting a
candle every time you visit their tomb or plating a tree as a symbol of paying
your respects, can help you deal with grief. You can also write down the
emotions no matter how confusing they might be.
Reduce uncertainty by
seeking information
Break the curiosity
by learning about your identity through your adoption story. For you to reduce
low self-esteem, find out the conditions in which you were adopted as well as
early childhood with your birth parents. If your adoptive parent have a picture
of your birth mother, this can put you at ease. Learn about your cultural
backgrounds and history to understand your origin.
Concentrate on your
present
Look at the person you have turned out to be. Evaluate your
qualities, values, talents, and goals that your adoptive family has helped you
cultivate. Encourage yourself that even though you were adopted, it does not
change the person you have turned out to be.
Final thoughts
How you look at adoption and get past your emotions
determines your future. Implement the tips above, and you will be thankful to
your adoptive parents for giving you a good life. Don't let the emotions affect
your future.
